Last week I introduced you to Susan, a 56 year old professional woman experiencing hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, mood swings and a decrease in libido (click here for a refresher). Today we know that sexual response is intricate and heavily involves mental and emotional components—see the schemata by Dr. Rosemary Basson that I previously shared here.
Even the best of relationships can suffer a decrease in sexual drive.
On top of that, Susan recalls that growing up she was taught that sex was “dirty,” “bad” and you should definitely not talk about it. It is not surprising, therefore, that she is having trouble exploring the new and creative ways her husband is suggesting to spice up their 30 years of marriage. It is also unlikely that she has explored her own body, researched her own erogenous zones or has the ability to express her wants and needs openly, clearly and without judgment to her husband. She must learn and practice all of this as her relationship matures and changes. Overtime, Susan and her husband will have to deal with age and hormone related changes occurring in both of their bodies (and minds), and these changes can only be negotiated with openness, playfulness and resourcefulness. Susan admits that she has too much on her plate with work, kids in college and the possibility that her mother might move in with them. She can’t recall the last time she had a “date-night” and foreplay has become an elbow in the gut when she is just about to fall asleep at night. Their sex life, which has never needed more than 20 minutes attention per episode, must now become the focus of research, dialogue, innovation and imagination. If Susan's story sounds familiar to your own, it's time to take action. Join the waitlist for Meaningful Menopause where I will teach you how to have open communication with your partner AND ways to spice up your sex life—it's going to be fun!
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